Son of a BITCH

You know what these aren't?



They sure as hell aren't imported Dutch tulip bulbs, I'll tell you that.

Motherfucking squirrels, motherFUCKING squirrels ate my bulbs and replaced them with ROCKS! Can't talk ... chewing glass ...

My bulbs were planted in a container, a planter box with gravel for drainage, little pea-sized gravel like the kind you have in aquariums. Today, I went to dig up my bulbs so I could overwinter them in my refrigerator. Except when I dug into the soil, I found no bulbs. None. Not ... a ... single ... one. Instead of two dozen exotics, I found big rocks deep in the dirt and not even two dozen of them because squirrels can't count. Those little monsters went and picked through the landscaping rocks by my door for similar sizes to replace the tulips, like Indy with the idol! I imagine one in a little fedora and leather jacket, carefully picking up each rock to feel its weight and then digging down for a bulb, only to make the switch and have to run for his life when the neighbor's black cat spots him and chases him down, his little squirrel legs pumping frantically with my bulb tucked under one arm like a football while his other hand is busy keeping the fedora on his head.

God, I hate those little bastards so much, so very very much. And now I feel bad for blaming the neighbor's cat.