Open letter to God

Hey. I know we haven't spoken a whole lot on account on my constant sinning and all. But I do try and do the right thing, really I do. But that Golden Rule of Yours has kinda put me in a bad place. I'm not criticizing, I realize most of what You've "said" is just a translation of a translation of a translation and some stuff gets lost or warbled but it's been a rule of thumb around these parts. Anyway, I tried really hard this time, I really did. I took the day off work and everything (and You already know how I fibbed and said I had the day off but we both know that wasn't true, I am a liar) so I would have enough time to run all the errands I needed to do. I even started two weeks ago so I could be sure stuff was done in time. I called every bakery in the County and went to six different stores. I did my best. Half-assed is usually good enough but not in this case because this was important. I tried my hardest and I did my best and I got epic failure.

Now my mother told me repeatedly that the next time they were handing out brains, I should not get out of line. But she never told me when the next handout would occur and I don't know how to access the mailing list so if you could add me on that, I'd really appreciate it. The brain I was issued don't got no kind of sense and it appears I could really use some (I saw what would happen if the other improvements I'd asked for occurred and You're right, it's not a remodel, it's a total teardown so let's not waste any effort there). I haven't forgotten that Mass I promised either, I'm working on it.

So, yeah, if you could just give me some common sense, that would be great.
And an Enterbay Bruce Lee.
Just saying.