I've a New Year's Resolution

True facts. My shareholders voted and approved it and everything. You can check the minutes if you don't believe me. I knew that room full of typing monkeys would come in handy someday.

It is nothing earth shattering, or even selfless, like charitable intentions or to be kind to children or anything like that and this is making it sound more important than it is when, really, my intention is to record it so it can be used against me later.

As of January 1, 2010, I forgive everyone who ever done me wrong, real or imagined. That means you, Terri P., who liked to go around and introduce me to other people as "my best friend in high school who told me to kill myself;" and your man, Fran in Japan, who sits on high in decaying splendor like Miss Havisham; and that blackjack dealer who thought I was a smoker because of "those little lines around your eyes;" and that dude in the raised pickup who passively-aggressively cut me off; and even that cockknocker, Horseface McGee. It takes too much time and energy despising people when I can be using that brainspace for memorizing advertising jingles or figuring out why people liked sudoku. So up to and including December 31, 2009, clean slate. I don't care what any of you idiots did or said or what I thought your neckties transmitted to me. Switch is flipped to "whatevah."

Going forward in 2010, though ....