Lies, all lies
I recently received this tripe in the e-post:
Top 10 Reasons Why Geeks Make the Best Catch
It’s not generally realized that geeks (male and female) are the best catches. Americans focus on the glamour of the good-looking, the male jock and the statuesque female, and tend to make fun of second banana characters like Urkel. Yet, geeks (a.k.a. nerds, etc.) provide the opportunity to have much longer, more stable, and happy relationships. Here are the top ten reasons:
1. Geeks don't cheat. Geeks know that the grass only seems greener on the other side. They instinctively stay devotedly loyal to their lovers through thick and thin. Their social skills are also not well developed enough to support an affair.
2. Geeks appreciate their mates. Since you are likely to be one of the first persons a geek has ever had a significant relationship with, you will be treated well. A geek knows that there aren’t a whole lot of other possibilities. Frankly, geeks aren't quite sure how they ended up with the person they have attracted. When you date a geek, you know that geek will be yours for as long as you wish.
3. Geeks haven't formed bad relationship habits. After years of dating other people, the socially successful have become too confident to be intimate, think of partners as being only for their self-gratification, and focus on making themselves happy. None of this is true of a geek. The lack of past romantic partners allows the geek to approach lovers with the zest of a neophyte. Geeks are not full of romantic confidence. However, once encouraged, they are eager to please and enjoy their relationship.
4. Geeks are good at the things they try. Every geek has skills passionately developed over a long period of time. It could be role playing, chess, hacking, playing video games, or the ability to properly assemble a computer. So you know that geeks won't quit until they have learned how to make their relationship the best.
5. Geeks are not interested in status. Geeks became geeks because they chose to spend their time doing things that would not necessarily make them popular with everyone else in school, like sports and fashion. The ability to resist peer pressure is important to geeks. This means that a geek is more interested in your happiness than in looking good to others.
6. Geeks have imagination. Boredom is important to avoid to the game playing geek. A geek will seek new and creative ways to play, and this translates to relationships as well.
7. Geeks are happy and successful in their chosen field. No matter what their education level, geeks are able to make good incomes doing work that they enjoy. That eliminates one of the most frequent causes of relationship problems, since people who don’t like their jobs may take it out on their significant other.
8. Geeks are analytical. If they don’t get it right the first time, they look at what they did and figure out what to change. And when they DO get it right, they still keep finding ways to improve on it.
9. Geeks can concentrate. Geeks can focus their energy on one task with total intensity. Granted, the task they are focusing on may have more to do with writing new software for their Blackberry, but the fact remains that a geek, once set upon a task, tirelessly sets about to achieving a goal.
All of which means that…
10. Geeks want to be the best at what they do. So they try harder. And they never stop trying.
To which I decried "horse manure" and "propaganda motivational poster crap." However, my comments could not even approach the sparkle-shiny-shiny of Marmopolyae:
I explain the irony of each point. Enjoy.
1. Geeks don't cheat.
Once a geek gets a chick, suddenly he believes he can get OTHERS. He will cheat as soon as he gets a chance, in his lame attempt to catch up with other men and their obsessive conquests.
2. Geeks appreciate their mates.
Geeks are geeks in the first place cos they spend all their time alone building ships in bottles, etc. and they have come to appreciate Atari FAR more than an actual human. They might like some companionship, but choosing between the girl and never-before-seen George Lucas outtakes, you lose.
3. Geeks haven't formed bad relationship habits.
Geeks have formed the habit of nose picking and gassing up the joint because usu there's only other geeks or no one around. They have limited experience returning phone calls, holding the door open, or paying for a lady; thus, they aren't going to start now.
4. Geeks are good at the things they try.
How is his 10,000 score at Pacman or whatever gonna help YOU? He rigged up his computer to turn the lights on and off in his house. So?? That helps you HOW?
5. Geeks are not interested in status.
Every Geek wants to out-cool his geek friends. He wants to be the one who saw the Indy Jones preview before everyone else. He wants to own TWO original Kenner Millennium Falcons, have the highest score at some video game, and eventually be as rich as Bill Gates. He will forget your date in order to be first in line for the San Diego Comic Con.
6. Geeks have imagination.
They have imaginary friends. They think Lara Croft is in love with them. They can imagine the Real Doll is human and enjoy having "sexy times" (did I quote Borat!?!? fuck!) with inanimate objects. When he's with you, he will be imaging some character from Evangelion. Not good.
7. Geeks are happy and successful in their chosen field.
Geeks are pissed off that they aren't their geek heroes. Sure they work at the Mac store, but it would be cooler to work in Silicon Valley. Or yes, they work in Silicon Valley, but they wish they worked at Industrial Light and Magic. They spend all day hacking.... still can't break the Pentagon's encryption, damn. That is STRESSFUL.
8. Geeks are analytical.
But WHY in episode 259 did Spock NOT use the irradium incubator to bring the alien pod back to life instead of putting Chekov in charge? Luckily there's a discussion forum for this. Better log on now. And did it happen on Earth One or Earth TWO? You made some serious grammatical mistakes in your Klingon love letter. He's not sure he can date a girl who thought "Mp org nyat" was a synonym for "Mp org byam" ! Come ON!
9. Geeks can concentrate.
They can focus on some online warcraft game for WEEKS at a time, never even noticing you have come and gone. Did you put on some sexy Victoria's Secret stuff? Oh, he missed that cos he was engrossed in a chat about deleted scenes from the latest Dr. Who boxed set.
10. Geeks want to be the best at what they do.
Yes, dammit, they WILL win that come as your favorite alien from Star Trek New Generation series 4 contest. He's just gotta get the voice simulator in the chest plate to light up when it talks. Taking you out does NOT help him finish his costume.
This is made all the more brilliant as Marmopolyae is not herself a geek and does not associate with them (aside from me, of course, oh wait ... damn). It gets funnier each time I read it, brilliant.
It’s not generally realized that geeks (male and female) are the best catches. Americans focus on the glamour of the good-looking, the male jock and the statuesque female, and tend to make fun of second banana characters like Urkel. Yet, geeks (a.k.a. nerds, etc.) provide the opportunity to have much longer, more stable, and happy relationships. Here are the top ten reasons:
1. Geeks don't cheat. Geeks know that the grass only seems greener on the other side. They instinctively stay devotedly loyal to their lovers through thick and thin. Their social skills are also not well developed enough to support an affair.
2. Geeks appreciate their mates. Since you are likely to be one of the first persons a geek has ever had a significant relationship with, you will be treated well. A geek knows that there aren’t a whole lot of other possibilities. Frankly, geeks aren't quite sure how they ended up with the person they have attracted. When you date a geek, you know that geek will be yours for as long as you wish.
3. Geeks haven't formed bad relationship habits. After years of dating other people, the socially successful have become too confident to be intimate, think of partners as being only for their self-gratification, and focus on making themselves happy. None of this is true of a geek. The lack of past romantic partners allows the geek to approach lovers with the zest of a neophyte. Geeks are not full of romantic confidence. However, once encouraged, they are eager to please and enjoy their relationship.
4. Geeks are good at the things they try. Every geek has skills passionately developed over a long period of time. It could be role playing, chess, hacking, playing video games, or the ability to properly assemble a computer. So you know that geeks won't quit until they have learned how to make their relationship the best.
5. Geeks are not interested in status. Geeks became geeks because they chose to spend their time doing things that would not necessarily make them popular with everyone else in school, like sports and fashion. The ability to resist peer pressure is important to geeks. This means that a geek is more interested in your happiness than in looking good to others.
6. Geeks have imagination. Boredom is important to avoid to the game playing geek. A geek will seek new and creative ways to play, and this translates to relationships as well.
7. Geeks are happy and successful in their chosen field. No matter what their education level, geeks are able to make good incomes doing work that they enjoy. That eliminates one of the most frequent causes of relationship problems, since people who don’t like their jobs may take it out on their significant other.
8. Geeks are analytical. If they don’t get it right the first time, they look at what they did and figure out what to change. And when they DO get it right, they still keep finding ways to improve on it.
9. Geeks can concentrate. Geeks can focus their energy on one task with total intensity. Granted, the task they are focusing on may have more to do with writing new software for their Blackberry, but the fact remains that a geek, once set upon a task, tirelessly sets about to achieving a goal.
All of which means that…
10. Geeks want to be the best at what they do. So they try harder. And they never stop trying.
To which I decried "horse manure" and "propaganda motivational poster crap." However, my comments could not even approach the sparkle-shiny-shiny of Marmopolyae:
I explain the irony of each point. Enjoy.
1. Geeks don't cheat.
Once a geek gets a chick, suddenly he believes he can get OTHERS. He will cheat as soon as he gets a chance, in his lame attempt to catch up with other men and their obsessive conquests.
2. Geeks appreciate their mates.
Geeks are geeks in the first place cos they spend all their time alone building ships in bottles, etc. and they have come to appreciate Atari FAR more than an actual human. They might like some companionship, but choosing between the girl and never-before-seen George Lucas outtakes, you lose.
3. Geeks haven't formed bad relationship habits.
Geeks have formed the habit of nose picking and gassing up the joint because usu there's only other geeks or no one around. They have limited experience returning phone calls, holding the door open, or paying for a lady; thus, they aren't going to start now.
4. Geeks are good at the things they try.
How is his 10,000 score at Pacman or whatever gonna help YOU? He rigged up his computer to turn the lights on and off in his house. So?? That helps you HOW?
5. Geeks are not interested in status.
Every Geek wants to out-cool his geek friends. He wants to be the one who saw the Indy Jones preview before everyone else. He wants to own TWO original Kenner Millennium Falcons, have the highest score at some video game, and eventually be as rich as Bill Gates. He will forget your date in order to be first in line for the San Diego Comic Con.
6. Geeks have imagination.
They have imaginary friends. They think Lara Croft is in love with them. They can imagine the Real Doll is human and enjoy having "sexy times" (did I quote Borat!?!? fuck!) with inanimate objects. When he's with you, he will be imaging some character from Evangelion. Not good.
7. Geeks are happy and successful in their chosen field.
Geeks are pissed off that they aren't their geek heroes. Sure they work at the Mac store, but it would be cooler to work in Silicon Valley. Or yes, they work in Silicon Valley, but they wish they worked at Industrial Light and Magic. They spend all day hacking.... still can't break the Pentagon's encryption, damn. That is STRESSFUL.
8. Geeks are analytical.
But WHY in episode 259 did Spock NOT use the irradium incubator to bring the alien pod back to life instead of putting Chekov in charge? Luckily there's a discussion forum for this. Better log on now. And did it happen on Earth One or Earth TWO? You made some serious grammatical mistakes in your Klingon love letter. He's not sure he can date a girl who thought "Mp org nyat" was a synonym for "Mp org byam" ! Come ON!
9. Geeks can concentrate.
They can focus on some online warcraft game for WEEKS at a time, never even noticing you have come and gone. Did you put on some sexy Victoria's Secret stuff? Oh, he missed that cos he was engrossed in a chat about deleted scenes from the latest Dr. Who boxed set.
10. Geeks want to be the best at what they do.
Yes, dammit, they WILL win that come as your favorite alien from Star Trek New Generation series 4 contest. He's just gotta get the voice simulator in the chest plate to light up when it talks. Taking you out does NOT help him finish his costume.
This is made all the more brilliant as Marmopolyae is not herself a geek and does not associate with them (aside from me, of course, oh wait ... damn). It gets funnier each time I read it, brilliant.
Labels: Happiness
posted by CMURB at 1:34 AM
2 Comments:
Marmopolyae rocks! Geeks will NEVER be cool. YOU are NOT a geek. Geeks sometimes get rich, but money can't buy a ticket out of GeekTown.
Aw shucks, thanks, but my action figure collection begs to differ, geek-wise. I'll not say anything further.
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